Ethier on former Montreal Canadiens' goalie Jacques Plante: "Jacques Plante relied on a seamstress (AKA, the trainer) named "Sewing Sammy" Clark to sew their slapshot-shattered mushes back to human form with needle and thread."

In the 1920s, toque-bearing netters such as Clint Benedict (the first goalie to wear a leather mask in a practice) were slapped on their waffle glove by jealous NHL ruleskeepers who considered flopping to the ice a criminal offense.

Suffice to say, few groins were pulled in this era when flapping - and flopping- was made infamous by a dance called the Charleston.

In the 1930s, walleyed backstoppers such as Lorne Chabot dazzled the fashion department of E! Television Network by wearing onto the ice a small-brimmed wool cap, such as the type worn by newspaper carriers. Cricket-style goalie pads protected bony knees and legs that needed a Stairmaster exercise machine more than a post-game rubdown from "Louie The Lip" Gadbois. Devoid of modern day trappings such as a trapper, they used their sticks like canoe paddles; with a tailwind, they crept around the ice on all fours searching out loose pucks like desperate cat burglars hunting for hidden diamonds in the home of a rich oil magnate.

Chabot, Benedict, and all the "real netminders" of the Golden Era were fortunate. They were yet to experience the damage wrought when something called a curved hockey stick produced something hideous called the "Boom Boom" ... a.k.a., slap shot.

Yes, goaltending has come a ways since the days of open-air stadiums, wooden pucks, and archaically-simple equipment. Gone are the days when bare-faced and bare-egoed goalies such as Jacques Plante relied on a seamstress (AKA, the trainer) named "Sewing Sammy" Clark to sew their slapshot-shattered mushes back to human form with needle and thread.

Today's goalies, protected in lightweight and sweat absorbent suits of armor, merely have to worry about Amtrak trains named Perrault or Lindros or LeClair turning their "6X4" foot sanctuaries into New York's Grand Central Station.

The good news, dear Messieurs Chabot, Benedict, and Plante, is that NHL fans no longer have to endure interminable video replays that decide which goals count and which are negated for a stray winger's eyelash in the crease. With the on-ice referee now responsible for giving the thumbs up or down sign to questionable goals, the league can go its merry goal-happy (?) way. In fact, last year replays negated 137 goals of the 289 reviewed. Without video replay this season, through 423 games scoring was up from an average of 5.2 per game to 5.3.

But let's be realistic; no one's getting rich on red-lighters this year. Moreover, with the new rule, the league runs the risk of spawning 60 saber-wielding Billy Smiths.

"It was good until last year, because the crease protected goalies," says Devils' goalie coach Jacques Caron, a goalie during the NHL's renaissance years, the 1970s. "They're running goalies more than ever. Hasek and guys like him need room to make plays; you don't have as much room to be effective, to find your angles."

Okay, so Dominik Hasek doesn't need a two-story crease to rest his healing groin. But you get the gist of Caron's evaluation. Netters like room, netters enjoy support. This year, the league is employing a two-referee system for 700 games. Moreover, Colin Campbell, Senior Vice President and Director of Hockey Operations, continues to lead a lilting chant of "You foul, You sit" for all rabble-rousing forwards to hear.

Barrasso

But are these measures enough to make our typically neurotic goalkeepers feel secure at home? Doubtful. To wit: In December, Pens' 6-3, 211-pound netter Tom Barrasso was suspended for four games after slashing wayward Leafs' forward Yanic Perreault.

In December, LA's 6-0, 170-pound goalie Jamie Storr suffered a concussion when he banged his head against the crossbar in a game against the Canadiens. Afterwards, Storr claimed he was bumped by a Canadiens' player streaking through the crease.

Says Dave Taylor, Kings' GM: "We have to be wary of this. I have a feeling we have to watch goalies getting run over, particularly in the second half of the season."

The east-west speed of the game, coupled with the net now being 13 feet from the backboards, have made the NHL a "Gretzky League." Teams now run the equivalent of basketball 'low-post' offenses, working set plays from behind the net to the corners to the slot.

"That's why you see four players around the net; there's more room," says Caron.

Crease rulers such as Jaromir Jagr (32,36), John LeClair (23,19), Jeremy Roenick (19,27), Mark Recchi (17,32), and Owen Nolan (27,25) have benefited from the additional room. Let's be honest, if you were Lorne Chabot (or even Ed Belfour) would you invite Jagr and his 60-foot wingspan into your living room?

So the question that begs to be answered is this: In NHL Y2K will the Benedicts of the world mutate from goalkeepers to security guards/groundskeepers?

"It's the way it always was," says 5-5 ESPN analyst and former 5-5 NHL goalie Darren Pang. "There's no doubt goalies are sensing danger, and I sense that when you sense that and they (forwards) are aggressive you are going to use whatever means you can to keep the guy on the perimeter."

Fortunately, most goalies have disdained the Three Musketeers approach and are battling crease traffic with their heads instead of their Kohos. Consider rule number 10890366255529 from the 'Official Goalkeepers' Handbook': "The most effective way to deal with in-crease tangos and mambos is to stay square to the shooter and be cognizant of the origin of shots."

"If you're a smart goalie, you'll have no trouble," says Pang.

Brathwaite

Clearly, while smarts make for a safe goalie, size seems irrelevant. Remember Storr and Barrasso are both big netters. Then there's 5-7, 170-pound goalie Fred Brathwaite of the Calgary Flames. On December 27, Brathwaite was named NHL.Com's Air Force Reserve Above and Beyond Player of the Week. During a one-week span, he went 2-0-1, posted two shutouts, and had a GAA of .989. Not bad for a guy who was in the doghouse earlier this year, after posting an .825 GAA though his first five games.

"He's got great reflexes, he stands up well, and squares himself to the shooter," says Flames coach Brian Sutter. "He's a very low-key kind of guy who feels he has something to prove. He's tremendous around the crease."

In Washington, 5-10 Craig Billington adjusts to the rule by staying away from the flying elbows; his colleague, lanky 6-3, 225 lb. Olaf Kolzig can avail himself of his strength and physical attributes to sift through the hornet's nest of crease crashers. Ultimately, says Pang, the great ones - tall, short, chubby, lithe - remain great, no matter who joins them in the crease for tea, crumpets, and butt ends.

"All the best adapt; that's why they are Hall-of-Famers."

So let's measure Pang's conclusion against two goalie statistics: goals-against-average, and save percentage. Are the "best" truly adapting to the crease rule?

St. Louis's Roman Turek is a robust 6-3, 190 pounds. Thanks in part to one of the league's stingiest defenses, he leads the NHL with a 2.04 GAA. Detroit's Chris Osgood, all 5-10, 178 lb., is having a career year with a 2.19 GAA. Scanning down the list of the top goalies by GAA, you also find: Curtis Joseph (5-10, 185; 2.15), Ed Belfour (5-11, 182; 2.21 GAA), Martin Brodeur (6-1, 205; 2.19 GAA), John Vanbiesbrouck (5-8, 176; 2.23 GAA), Guy Hebert (5-11, 185; 2.27 GAA ), Florida's injured Trevor Kidd (6-2, 190; 2.09) , Ottawa's Ron Tugnutt (5-11, 155; 2.31), and Calgary's Brathwaite (2.19).

Now for the Save Percentage ledger, and there's some different names here: 6-0, 188 lb. Colorado rookie Marc Denis leads all regulars with a .938 SP; then there's Kidd (.930), Brathwaite ( .923) Coyotes' Sean Burke (injured, 6-4, 208; .923), Manny Fernandez (6-0, 185; 925) of Dallas. Five netters are tied for the league lead in shutouts with three. Would you be surprised to learn that none is Brodeur, Roy, or Belfour? Try Turek, Brathwaite, Tugnutt, Beezer, Hebert, Cujo, and Turek. Oh, Billington has two, the same total as Brodeur and Osgood.

Then there's the case of Nashville's Tomas Vokoun (5-11) whose 1.33 GAA and .960 save percentage in three games earned him Player of the Week on Jan 3.

Moral to the story: Some crack and swing - Barrasso. Some get cracked - Storr. Others find a way to maintain authority in a place only goalies call home. Those who need to live life on a one-way street will eventually Take the A Train to the ECHL.

Such is the legacy of netters: to battle for freedom and survival in that 6X4 outhouse called a goal crease.

Their lot could be worse. Today, they wear masks and not wool caps; they aren't incarcerated for flopping to the ice. No goalie ever returns from the locker room with a length of thread and a knitting needle hanging from his upper lip.

Now, if the league's Ozes could just find a mitt that is impervious to an Al MacInnis slapper.